Saving the Globe!!!

I like messing with Telemarketers….The following is a transcript of an actual call. For accuracy, please imagine I am speaking in my best superhuman sounding voice.


Yes, hello Sir. I hope I’m not bothering you, I know this can be a busy time of day, is this a bad time?

No, I was Just waiting for your call!!!

O..kay, I was calling today sir to make you a great offer.

THAT’S FANTASTIC, Please sir, tell me more about this GREAT Offer?!!?

Uh, well today we are offering you a one-year subscription to The Globe for an incredible for an incredible price. You can get The Globe 7 days a week for the price of-

-(Interrupting) That’s a lot of Globes!!! Why would I need that many?

Yes sir, it is a lot and we are offering it to-

-Wouldn’t 1 Globe suffice?

No sir, this is The Boston Globe

MY GOD…Boston has their OWN Globe now?!? Tell me, is it different from the other Globes?

Well Sir, yes-

-This is insane; how is it different?.. Let me ask Sir; is the Good Ol’ United States still in the same place? Right there on top JUST WHERE it belongs?

(long pause) Yes…I..

THAT’S GREAT!!.and how about Canada…Have we abolished Canada Yet?!?!

Um…no, Sir I think maybe-

-THOSE BASTARDS!!! Well, What do you expect from Boston-

No, Sir this is a Newspaper..

A Newspaper!…Is this an Interview?!?

No, this is a call about how you can save on The Globe-

-You want to INTERVIEW me about how I will SAVE THE GLOBE?!?…EXCELLENT!!! First we shall ABOLISH CANADA!!!

No….(laughing)…this is a call to sell you a sub-scrip-tion to The Boston Globe…it’s a newspaper

(SIGH) oh…well, that’s a little anticlimactic…

Yes sir, I…um understand if you aren’t interested.


Yes sir…you uh have a good one too.