I like messing with Telemarketersâ€¦.The following is a transcript of an actual call. For accuracy, please imagine I am speaking in my best superhuman sounding voice.
Yes, hello Sir. I hope I’m not bothering you, I know this can be a busy time of day, is this a bad time?
No, I was Just waiting for your call!!!
O..kay, I was calling today sir to make you a great offer.
THAT’S FANTASTIC, Please sir, tell me more about this GREAT Offer?!!?
Uh, well today we are offering you a one-year subscription to The Globe for an incredible for an incredible price. You can get The Globe 7 days a week for the price of-
-(Interrupting) That’s a lot of Globes!!! Why would I need that many?
Yes sir, it is a lot and we are offering it to-
-Wouldn’t 1 Globe suffice?
No sir, this is The Boston Globe
MY GODâ€¦Boston has their OWN Globe now?!? Tell me, is it different from the other Globes?
Well Sir, yes-
-This is insane; how is it different?.. Let me ask Sir; is the Good Ol’ United States still in the same place? Right there on top JUST WHERE it belongs?
(long pause) Yesâ€¦I..
THAT’S GREAT!!.and how about Canadaâ€¦Have we abolished Canada Yet?!?!
Umâ€¦no, Sir I think maybe-
-THOSE BASTARDS!!! Well, What do you expect from Boston-
No, Sir this is a Newspaper..
A Newspaper!â€¦Is this an Interview?!?
No, this is a call about how you can save on The Globe-
-You want to INTERVIEW me about how I will SAVE THE GLOBE?!?â€¦EXCELLENT!!! First we shall ABOLISH CANADA!!!
Noâ€¦.(laughing)â€¦this is a call to sell you a sub-scrip-tion to The Boston Globeâ€¦it’s a newspaper
(SIGH) ohâ€¦well, that’s a little anticlimacticâ€¦
Yes sir, Iâ€¦um understand if you aren’t interested.
WELL THANK YOU GOOD SIR!!! YOU have a GREAT DAY!!!
Yes sirâ€¦you uh have a good one too.