At times in my life I’ve found myself without any friends. I moved around a lot as a kid and never really got too comfortable in any place. I didn’t go away to college, and one time I sold everything I owned and traveled aimlessly about the country trying to figure out why I didn’t have anyone that cared about me as much as I cared about them.
Life’s a series of cycles and processes; you’re going through a difficult cycle of a tough process…independence.
It’s a challenging place to be, because it’s difficult to let go of the reliance on another in times of need. You’ve taken control of your existence and chose to prove yourself to a world that seems not to acknowledge your gains. It’s frustrating, but these moments build your identity and define your perspective.
I once cast away all the people I cared about to see if they’d care. They didn’t, and it was the most destructive thing my ego ever faced. Guess what? It was the single greatest awakening I’ve ever had.
After a long bout of self defecation one comes to see the world through a better light. We shit all over ourselves, tear ourselves apart to figure out the meaning of what ultimately comes down to an illusion we’ve been sold.
Love is something that comes from within, radiates out, and reflects back. Friendship is an entanglement, a connection to another born out of love.
I think it’s important to reframe your perspective here for a moment because I think you’re searching for friendship when really what you’re looking for is love. By noting this point you’ll realize that, if you look around, you’ll see there’s love all around you, it surrounds you, but it isn’t actually emanating from you.
It can’t right now, because youâ€™re hurt and sad and angry and the energy of love can’t flow though you when you’re in these states of mind.
So take a moment and feel that love, know it’s there and focus upon it. Let go of everything else and just recognize that love surrounds you. Fall into its grace and release yourself of ALL judgment.
Simply be there, aware of what it’s like when you feel unconditional love for another. Try to feel that feeling without focusing on any single individual, just let it radiate from within you.
When I found myself with no friends, I realized that I still had love around me, just not within me. That was the point of my awakening, and the creation of a new cycle of processes that redefined my life and perspective.