Seeing Wisdom

The only advice my father ever gave me was that I had to lose weight, or ‘nobody would ever take me seriously, nobody would ever love me, or care about anything I ever had to say about anything.’  This was his parting advice to me as a nine year old boy, as I moved away to a new state with my mom and sister; and he moved in with his new, much preferred family.

As a fat kid, moving to an entirely new state, this was a hell of a thing to lay on me.  It warped my perception of myself and how I saw other people, and it made me an angry individual, which ensured few people would want to be around me.

I sank deep into myself in search of what was wrong with me, why the world seemingly rejected me for my appearance, and then I began contemplating how my treatment of others shaped how others saw me.

I’ve been fat my entire life, and throughout my life I have been rejected for that aspect on a number of times.  Yes I know it’s unhealthy, yes I know I should lose some weight, but you don’t know what wisdom gets produced from walking this path, you don’t know what living this life allows me to experience that you can’t experience living the life that you do.  That’s the reality of that argument, if you’re holding me in a state of any kind of judgment, then you won’t be able to contemplate the kind of things I can teach you.  It isn’t worth the time to explain why.

Life can end at any moment, that’s always been the case, but for right this moment contemplate what it means that you’re in this moment, and ask yourself if you feel happy with your experience right now, reading this.  Are you at ease?  Are you at peace in this moment of your existence?  I am.

Looking back on that conversation with my dad, I do see some wisdom in his words.  I don’t want to be taken seriously, I want to have fun and enjoy my experience.  I don’t seek love from any other; I radiate love upon those who I encounter.  And as far as people not caring about what I have to say, well that’s certainly not going to stop me from attempting to say it.

This is my life, and I’ve got more than enough competency to live by my own standard of being.  We are given this moment to exist within; it should be celebrated rather than spent worrying about the future or lingering in the past.

So that leaves me, and you, and if you aren’t able to accept me as I stand here today, then perhaps it’s worth your time to ask yourself just why that is, or why it matters so much to you, to discount the validity of my point of view.  Either way, just please move along.



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